Growing up too fast

Today, in class, I asked the children what were their dreams and goals - what was the thing that they wished for the most? And one child took me quite by surprise.  After hearing the usual list of footballers, F1 racing drivers etc etc... one child said that the thing they wished for the most was to never grow up.  Finally I thought, a child who wants to be just that - a child.

All to often now, especially in my job as a teacher, I see children that want to grow up too quickly. Many children don't want to be seen as children: they want to act like adults, dress like them and do the things that they do.

Go back 21 years to when I was 13, I was a typical child in those times, out with friends playing Kerby, making up dances in my bedroom with friends, riding our bikes around the block.  Now don't get me wrong, I understand that times have changed and now a days children seem so much more mature than I can remember being at that age, but should we be allowing our children to grow up so fast?

I count myself pretty lucky, as, although my son is 13, he still loves to do all the things that children love to do.  He doesn't mind coming for a cuddle on the sofa; he loves going on days out to places that I am sure other teenagers would find 'boring' and most of all he acts and plays like a child still.

He loves tree climbing, playing with Lego, hanging upside down at the park,  making loom bands, dressing up, making play dough... the list could go on.

Now of course, if given the chance he would like other child choose technology over any of this.  If given the opportunity he would happily sit on his computer all day gaming, or sit watching T.V whilst texting a friend.  But the thing is, we don't given him the opportunity to do this. Yes he has a phone, he has a computer and a tablet. But we don't let him over use these.  And although he has been asking for social media now for over 2 years, and although he can now legally have a social media account, I won't let him.  Not only do I want to keep him safe, but personally, I don't believe that social media is healthy for a 13 year old.

So what can we do to try to stop our children growing up too fast? 

These are just a few of the things that have worked for us:

1. Parental Controls: Technology and the Internet can be useful resources for our teens, but used inappropriately can be detrimental.  Make sure that you have the parental controls set on all devices.

2. Encourage your child to be open with you: We have always been very open and honest with Titch. If he has a questions about anything we have always given him an age appropriate answer that doesn't  sway from the truth. We may not go into details , but an answer that he can understand for his age.

3. Play: Encourage imaginative play and join in with this. Play games with them. We love a games night in our house - it can get very competitive.

4. Limit use of technology: Titch knows how much time each day he has on any technology device.  That way there is never an argument about it when he is asked to come off.  These are the rules we put into place when he was bought them rather than making up the rule later.  If he does argue about it, he loses some of his time the next day.

5. Don't use grounding as a punishment: We have fell into this trap too. We have stopped him from playing outside with his friends for his behaviour in the past. But we should be encouraging socialising and interaction with peers and encouraging the play that occurs outside rather than stopping it. So we now use other consequences instead.

6. Adult conversations: Leave adult conversations for when they are not around.  You will be surprised at how much they pick up on. Do they really need to know everything?


Unfortunately, there are things beyond our control though that influence our child's life, the media? peer pressure? social media? Probably a bit of all three.  We can't stop our children from seeing these or accessing them and indeed would we always want to? But as parents and most importantly not forgetting as children once ourselves, we certainly can encourage our children to be children for just a little bit longer.

As Peter Pan once said, "Once you grow up, you can't go back."

#My Sunday Photo

This week we had a pretty chilled out week preparing ourselves ready for work and school.  This photo was taken last night as we watched X -Factor. It is one of Titch's favourite shows and one of the few shows that we get to watch together as a family. And as you can see all four of us (including the dog) are squished onto one sofa even though we have two.  I love our family time together even if it is just watching the T.V.

Why we chose medication

Titch was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD back in January 2015 after an assessment at the Maudsley Hospital in London. At the time he was still in Foster Care and looking for his forever family - us.

When we adopted Titch, we were given the report from the Maudsley and spoke to his doctors on the phone who made it very clear that Titch would struggle to cope in every day life without medication. However, as we had not officially become his parents yet, social services were very much against the medication and hoped that his behaviour would settle as he become comfortable with his new family.

Back to school

We are now into the final week of the 6 week holidays and everywhere you look when shopping 'Back to School' signs can be seen. In actual fact these signs have been up since the first day of the holidays in most supermarkets.

At a recent gathering I heard friends talking about how they couldn't wait to send their kids back to school so that normal routines could resume, and ,likewise, the Husband can't wait for Titch and I to go back either.  Now I may be biased ,being a teacher, and I totally understand how having 6 weeks off can affect parents - it is a long time to try and keep them amused, but I love the holidays and , although I am also looking forward to getting back into normal routines, I will miss the holidays and these are my reasons why.

Parenting a teenager vs Parenting a toddler

Although I have been writing my blog for about a year now, many of my posts are either recounts of days out or reviews of places that we have visited.  There are plenty of blogs out there, but there seems to be a shortage of blogs from parents of teenagers.  This got me thinking why? Surely there is a need or even a place in the blogging world for them. Or maybe I just haven't come across any in my search.

With this in mind I thought why not broaden my blog.

So here goes... My first parenting post.

Parenting at any stage has it's own unique challenges as each stage in a child's development has it's own characteristics. That being said, there are similarities and differences between parenting a teenager to a toddler.

Communication
Toddlers love to talk - asking a million questions a day, teenagers on the other hand can become uncommunicative. My 13  year old son is still in the ask hundreds of questions a day stage, and as much as it can drive me mad, I know when all these questions stop I will be wishing that they hadn't.  Although we may think a teenager is not listening when we speak to them, how we speak to them is highly important.  Mutual Respect (one of our Great British values) is the key not just with teenagers but toddlers too. If we spend our time shouting and screaming, how can we expect our children to speak back to us in a polite manner. This is something that my outspoken son questions all the time. Why is it okay for parents to shout at their children when they are angry, but it's not okay for him to get angry and shout too? And I have to agree with him - but I would never tell him that. With teenagers  we still need to talk to them, as their listening skills are still there and they may hear more than you think.

Needs and wants 
With toddlers and babies we spend our time meeting their needs as they become dependant on us. We choose what they wear, what they eat, what they do that day. Teenagers, however, want to these choices for themselves. They don't want to be told what to wear. They are developing their own personalities, their own likes and dislikes.  However, there are also arguments  to whether we should give toddlers more choice. Should we force a toddler to wear the clothes we pick or should they be given some choice allowing them to make decisions and learn from there mistakes? Most of the time my son chooses his own outfits, but he will always ask if I think it is appropriate as, on one occasion, he refused to take a jacket that I had given him to wear and, unfortunately, it rained. A lesson was learned that day. The same goes for food.  Some days my son doesn't fancy what we are having for tea.  As adults we wouldn't eat something that we didn't fancy or like, but we insist that children do. Both toddlers and teenagers have wants and needs, and maybe they are not so different maybe we just need to approach those wants and needs in different ways dependant on their age.

Life Skills
As a toddler you are teaching them life skills, how to take care of them selves, how to use their manners, but with a teenager you begin to monitor their lives: what they are watching, who they are spending time with, what they are accessing on the internet. The life skills that we teach our children at different stages will depend on the child's needs. Toddlers are like sponges, they copy and mimic our behaviours and the life skills they often learn are through watch our repetitive behaviour for example, how to cross a road.  Although a teenager may think that they don't need you to teach them anymore secretly they do.  They still watch and learn from your behaviours: how you interact with others or how you deal with stressful situations. So it is vital that we set these examples for them to learn from. I always tell my son that you never stop learning from others, and even now as a 33 year old there are many life skills that I still learn in this way.

Dependance 
A toddler is reliant upon you to help them and show them how to do the things that they do not know how to do. They rely upon you to feed, bath and comfort them.  My 13 year old would never admit to needing me to do these things for him, but secretly he does. But rather than making it obvious they need you in more subtle ways. I am sure as he gets older his reluctancy to be tucked in or to be kissed and hugged will be even more obvious. But I will never stop trying, because there will be one day when he won't refuse and will be in need of comforting.

Parenting a teenager will test your limits just as much as they did when then were little and if not they will push you that little bit more.  However, even though they may not admit it they need you just as much as they once did.