Parenting a teenager vs Parenting a toddler

Although I have been writing my blog for about a year now, many of my posts are either recounts of days out or reviews of places that we have visited.  There are plenty of blogs out there, but there seems to be a shortage of blogs from parents of teenagers.  This got me thinking why? Surely there is a need or even a place in the blogging world for them. Or maybe I just haven't come across any in my search.

With this in mind I thought why not broaden my blog.

So here goes... My first parenting post.

Parenting at any stage has it's own unique challenges as each stage in a child's development has it's own characteristics. That being said, there are similarities and differences between parenting a teenager to a toddler.

Communication
Toddlers love to talk - asking a million questions a day, teenagers on the other hand can become uncommunicative. My 13  year old son is still in the ask hundreds of questions a day stage, and as much as it can drive me mad, I know when all these questions stop I will be wishing that they hadn't.  Although we may think a teenager is not listening when we speak to them, how we speak to them is highly important.  Mutual Respect (one of our Great British values) is the key not just with teenagers but toddlers too. If we spend our time shouting and screaming, how can we expect our children to speak back to us in a polite manner. This is something that my outspoken son questions all the time. Why is it okay for parents to shout at their children when they are angry, but it's not okay for him to get angry and shout too? And I have to agree with him - but I would never tell him that. With teenagers  we still need to talk to them, as their listening skills are still there and they may hear more than you think.

Needs and wants 
With toddlers and babies we spend our time meeting their needs as they become dependant on us. We choose what they wear, what they eat, what they do that day. Teenagers, however, want to these choices for themselves. They don't want to be told what to wear. They are developing their own personalities, their own likes and dislikes.  However, there are also arguments  to whether we should give toddlers more choice. Should we force a toddler to wear the clothes we pick or should they be given some choice allowing them to make decisions and learn from there mistakes? Most of the time my son chooses his own outfits, but he will always ask if I think it is appropriate as, on one occasion, he refused to take a jacket that I had given him to wear and, unfortunately, it rained. A lesson was learned that day. The same goes for food.  Some days my son doesn't fancy what we are having for tea.  As adults we wouldn't eat something that we didn't fancy or like, but we insist that children do. Both toddlers and teenagers have wants and needs, and maybe they are not so different maybe we just need to approach those wants and needs in different ways dependant on their age.

Life Skills
As a toddler you are teaching them life skills, how to take care of them selves, how to use their manners, but with a teenager you begin to monitor their lives: what they are watching, who they are spending time with, what they are accessing on the internet. The life skills that we teach our children at different stages will depend on the child's needs. Toddlers are like sponges, they copy and mimic our behaviours and the life skills they often learn are through watch our repetitive behaviour for example, how to cross a road.  Although a teenager may think that they don't need you to teach them anymore secretly they do.  They still watch and learn from your behaviours: how you interact with others or how you deal with stressful situations. So it is vital that we set these examples for them to learn from. I always tell my son that you never stop learning from others, and even now as a 33 year old there are many life skills that I still learn in this way.

Dependance 
A toddler is reliant upon you to help them and show them how to do the things that they do not know how to do. They rely upon you to feed, bath and comfort them.  My 13 year old would never admit to needing me to do these things for him, but secretly he does. But rather than making it obvious they need you in more subtle ways. I am sure as he gets older his reluctancy to be tucked in or to be kissed and hugged will be even more obvious. But I will never stop trying, because there will be one day when he won't refuse and will be in need of comforting.

Parenting a teenager will test your limits just as much as they did when then were little and if not they will push you that little bit more.  However, even though they may not admit it they need you just as much as they once did.