All to often now, especially in my job as a teacher, I see children that want to grow up too quickly. Many children don't want to be seen as children: they want to act like adults, dress like them and do the things that they do.
Go back 21 years to when I was 13, I was a typical child in those times, out with friends playing Kerby, making up dances in my bedroom with friends, riding our bikes around the block. Now don't get me wrong, I understand that times have changed and now a days children seem so much more mature than I can remember being at that age, but should we be allowing our children to grow up so fast?
I count myself pretty lucky, as, although my son is 13, he still loves to do all the things that children love to do. He doesn't mind coming for a cuddle on the sofa; he loves going on days out to places that I am sure other teenagers would find 'boring' and most of all he acts and plays like a child still.
He loves tree climbing, playing with Lego, hanging upside down at the park, making loom bands, dressing up, making play dough... the list could go on.
Now of course, if given the chance he would like other child choose technology over any of this. If given the opportunity he would happily sit on his computer all day gaming, or sit watching T.V whilst texting a friend. But the thing is, we don't given him the opportunity to do this. Yes he has a phone, he has a computer and a tablet. But we don't let him over use these. And although he has been asking for social media now for over 2 years, and although he can now legally have a social media account, I won't let him. Not only do I want to keep him safe, but personally, I don't believe that social media is healthy for a 13 year old.
So what can we do to try to stop our children growing up too fast?
These are just a few of the things that have worked for us:
1. Parental Controls: Technology and the Internet can be useful resources for our teens, but used inappropriately can be detrimental. Make sure that you have the parental controls set on all devices.
2. Encourage your child to be open with you: We have always been very open and honest with Titch. If he has a questions about anything we have always given him an age appropriate answer that doesn't sway from the truth. We may not go into details , but an answer that he can understand for his age.
3. Play: Encourage imaginative play and join in with this. Play games with them. We love a games night in our house - it can get very competitive.
4. Limit use of technology: Titch knows how much time each day he has on any technology device. That way there is never an argument about it when he is asked to come off. These are the rules we put into place when he was bought them rather than making up the rule later. If he does argue about it, he loses some of his time the next day.
5. Don't use grounding as a punishment: We have fell into this trap too. We have stopped him from playing outside with his friends for his behaviour in the past. But we should be encouraging socialising and interaction with peers and encouraging the play that occurs outside rather than stopping it. So we now use other consequences instead.
6. Adult conversations: Leave adult conversations for when they are not around. You will be surprised at how much they pick up on. Do they really need to know everything?
Unfortunately, there are things beyond our control though that influence our child's life, the media? peer pressure? social media? Probably a bit of all three. We can't stop our children from seeing these or accessing them and indeed would we always want to? But as parents and most importantly not forgetting as children once ourselves, we certainly can encourage our children to be children for just a little bit longer.
As Peter Pan once said, "Once you grow up, you can't go back."
